Relationships? It means...
Sunday, 2 August 2009 19:59
One of the deepest and most pressing needs for humanity is to have trusting, fulfilling
relationships--so much so that some people are willing to settle for second best. Take a
minute to think about relationships you have had or those you have now. Do these
relationships build you up by encouraging you and affirming you as a person or are these
relationships soul draining, energy zapping and leaving you with feelings of resentment,
depression, hopelessness, frustration, guilt, shame and being used?
relationships--so much so that some people are willing to settle for second best. Take a
minute to think about relationships you have had or those you have now. Do these
relationships build you up by encouraging you and affirming you as a person or are these
relationships soul draining, energy zapping and leaving you with feelings of resentment,
depression, hopelessness, frustration, guilt, shame and being used?
Mostly we feels impossible to find someone who's right for you - and who thinks you're right for him or her! It's totally normal to look at the world through rose-colored glasses in the early stages of a relationship. But for some people, those rose-colored glasses turn into blinders that keep them from seeing that a relationship isn't healthy as it should be. What Makes a Healthy Relationship?Take a step back from the dizzying sensation of being swept off your feet and think about whether your relationship has these qualities:
Mutual respect - Does he or she get how cool you are and why? The key is that your partner is into you for who you are - for your great sense of humor, your love etc. Respect in a relationship means that each person values who the other is and understands and never challenge - the other person's boundaries.
Trust - Does he completely lose his cool or keep walking because he knows you'd never cheat on him? It's OK to get a little jealous sometimes - jealousy is a natural emotion. But how a person reacts when he or she feels jealous is what matters. There's no way you can have a healthy relationship if you don't trust each other.
Honesty - This one goes hand-in-hand with trust because it's tough to trust someone when one of you isn't being honest. Support - It's not just in bad times that your partner should support you. Some people are great when your whole world is falling apart but can't take being there when things are going right (and vice versa). In a healthy relationship, your significant other is there with a shoulder to cry on when you find out your parents are getting divorced and to celebrate with you when you get the lead in a play.
Fairness/equality - You need to have give-and-take in your relationship, too. Do you take turns choosing which new movie to see? As a couple, do you hang out with your partner's friends as often as you hang out with yours? It's not like you have to keep a running count and make sure things are exactly even, of course. But you'll know if it isn't a pretty fair balance. Things get bad really fast when a relationship turns into a power struggle, with one person fighting to get his or her way all the time.
Separate identities - In a healthy relationship, everyone needs to make compromises. But that doesn't mean you should feel like you're losing out on being yourself. When you started going out, you both had your own lives - your own families, friends, interests, hobbies, etc. - and that shouldn't change. Neither of you should have to pretend to like something you don't, or give up seeing your friends, or drop out of activities you love. And you also should feel free to keep developing new talents or interests, making new friends, and moving forward.
Good communication - We all know how many different meanings the little phrase "no, nothing's wrong" can have, depending on who's saying it! But what's important is to ask if you're not sure what he or she means, and speak honestly and openly so that the miscommunication is avoided in the first place. And if you need some time to think something through before you're ready to talk about it, the right person will give you some space to do that if you ask for it.